Read The Book
Written By: Smt.Sundri Uttamchandani
The picnic was held after a long time. For a while, Chatrabhuj was watching the water go away from the boat. Suddenly, he turned towards Rani and said, âI think you have a problem with meâ¦â
Raniâs eyelashes which were like semicircle sunflowers kept staring at Chatrabhuj for a long time. âWhy do you feel that way?â she asked.
âJust like thatâ¦It looks as if you are avoiding me.â
âNo, no!â Rani shook her head stylishly and the frown on her forehead had disappeared. The boat kept sailing in the Mumbra Bay. All of the friends were busy with each other. When someone threw a small ball of flour into the water, it was immediately caught by the fish. The accusation - 'You are trying to avoid meâ was repeatedly appearing on the surface of Rani's mind.
Suddenly Rani felt like some God of memory had pulled her by her hair and dragged her deep into the water, almost touching the bottom of the ocean. Men and women in the bottom of the ocean were surrounded by waves of water and were smiling at each other, sitting on golden hills. They smiled at Rani too but the smile wounded her heart.
Rani did not reciprocate their smile and the water-being that had brought her here said, âYou take back your smile from hereâ¦â Trembling, Rani said, âWhat if people misunderstand me?â âCoward!â
Rani came back to her senses and realized that she was back in the boat. The water-being let go of her hair and she had reached back into the boatâ¦Was it a dream or a reality!...Her clothes were not wet but that smile stuck to her body like a forgotten pain. She looked at Chatrabhuj with a sleepy gaze. He was busy singing a song.
All friends were engrossed in the depth of his voiceâ¦
The girls were looking at the waves in the oceanâ¦
The boatman stood erect, looking at the sunset reflecting on the waves of the ocean.
âIf the eyes wouldnât open,
Then how will the song come to the lips,
Tell me, how will the song be made without a smile?â
Rani felt that Chatrabhuj was singing this song for her. Her entire being was melting like a house of sand on waterâ¦It kept crumbling with each waveâ¦
The sand mixed with the sand on the shore and the waves who were feeling let down for not being able to break her, kept moving and lashing. The being of the sand was shining under the evening rays of the sunâ¦
There was silence on the boat even after the song was over. Like the stars that were gradually appearing on the surface of the sky, the murmuring amongst the friends too slowly began and Rani came to her senses.
Radha bent down, took a fistful of water, threw it on Raniâs face and looked away mischievously; but Raniâs eyes had caught her theft.
Vinod, who was sitting near Raniâs feet, looked at Radha and bending towards Rani he said, âWomen are more mischievous than men.â
Rani lifted her semicircle sunflower eyelashes when Vinod realized that there was a crowd of words in his mind that were saying, âA womanâs body is mischievous but a manâs mind is.â
âIt is not like thatâ Vinod sat up. Putting off his cigarette on the wooden panel of the boat, throwing it into the water, he said, âNo it is not like that Rani! Even a womanâs mind is mischievous.â
âAnd even the manâs? Right?
Accept defeat and the fight ends.â
âAnd from the surroundings?â
âEven less than that.â
âIf you want to say something serious, I am ready to listen to it.â
âRani is right in saying that a womanâs mind is stable.â Chatrabhuj began speaking, âPerhaps a woman can love only one man at a time. But a man can love many women at the same time.â
âProof!â Rani said.
âYou must have noticed that there is a difference in the smile of every woman after marriage. Perhaps her smile which used to be fresh like the sunâs rays in the morning is reserved only for her husband after her marriage.â
âSorry Rani, I am interferingâ¦You may talk about a womanâs smile but after staying abroad I have experienced that while a man enjoys one woman at a time, but women! Oh Godâ¦â
Chatrabhuj clasped his hand on Ramâs mouth, âListen Ram, you are a vagabond, but donât pollute this atmosphere... You may have travelled abroad but I can tell you with confidence that you must have never come across such a brotherly and loving group anywhere in the world.â
Ram caught his ears and bending down before Chatrabhuj he said, âBoss you win...But for me, every woman is Raniâ¦â
Rani looked sharply at Vinod as if complaining âIs this an atmosphere for a serious discussionâ¦?â
Vinod caught Ram by the neck and told him, âTouch her feet and catch your ears; acknowledge that very few women are like Rani.â
âIâm sorry!â Ram said âOnly Rani is Raniâ He said in such a manner that everyone burst out laughing.
Rani went red in the face because of laughing. Vinod was looking at her, intoxicated. His words â âOnly few women are like Raniâ, accompanied by this look, echoed within Raniâs being.
Rani became emotional. Keeping her marital status in mind, she said, âI am not any queen, only my name is Raniâ¦â
But while saying this, Rani felt a virgin smile on her face which disappeared when she looked in Chatrabhujâs direction.
Rani began searching for a reason for this within herself. The picnic, the meeting of the group as well as the meeting of Rani and Chatrabhuj had happened after a long timeâ¦But there were some instances of meetings in between which perhaps could have become stepping stones towards a destinationâ¦Thinking about this, Rani quietly began looking into the surface of the water.
During a college meeting, a poet recited a poem on the topic of âsmileâ which had been like this, âA sad smile incites sympathy âa loving smile incites love-a smile of desire incites the body- a beautiful smile incites the flight of the bird of the mind towards the skyâ¦â
After the meeting, that poet noticed Raniâs smile and told her, âAnd your smile which is a combination of all these emotions incites a feeling of being a king in a manâ¦â
Once when Rani mentioned this to her husband, he had said, âAnd if you address that smile of yours towards anybody else besides me, it incites a feeling of painful loneliness and a feeling of anger within meâ¦â
âThen I shall not share this treasure with everyone.â Rani had promised but in the process of keeping up with it, she began feeling suffocated.
Due to a sick mother-in-law in a royal household, she had to look after the maid, the washer woman, the milkman, the garbage man everyday. Her husbandâs friends, relatives, men and women, were all tied to this thread of her smile. Rani had realized that to keep up to that promise she would have to become a rose without any fragrance.
On one severe winter night Rani was in her husbandâs arms. Her coughing would not stop. An X-ray revealed a slight stain on the lungs but her husband was so worried that he bought heaps of joke books to keep her happy and laughing.
During that illness Chatrabhuj had paid her a visit with his wife. While leaving he had said,âRani! Do you remember the poetâs remarks?â Rani did not smile even then. Chatrabhuj gave her a complaining look and left. In that complaining glance Rani could feel him saying, âDo you have a problem with making others feel like kings?â
What was the problem? Whose problem was it? To speak of it required her to cross limits which Rani was not prepared to do.
After two days Radha came to her and said, âRani. Do you think you are going to die?â
âNo. Why?â
âThen why are you showing so much weakness?â
âI am not showing any weakness.â
âThen what is that Mrs Chatrabhuj talking about?â
âWhat is she saying?â
âShe is saying that Rani does appear sick but she is looking younger than before. Whether she is properly dressed or not, whether her chest is covered or not, can only be seen by women accompanying her male friends.â
Rani said, âI cannot stop myself from calling a person a poisonous fly, who speaks such vulgar things about me. I only know one thing that I do not wish to separate from my husband and home. In this battle to defeat my illness, I am not conscious of my clothes or anything elseâ¦â
Suddenly Rani felt a pinch on her foot and she gave a jerk. Looking away from the water, staring at Radha and understanding her mischief, Rani took out a fistful of Chana from a basket and threw them on her.
Butâ¦Butâ¦Chatrabhuj was sitting by the side, and his question was still echoing in Raniâs ears, âI feel like you are avoiding me.â
âWho have I not avoided, my friend!â Rani thought to herself and taking a deep breath she stood up. The boat had reached the shore and everyone was standing, ready to get off.
Jumping off the boat, Rani came besides Sudhir and Shanti. Overhearing a sentence of their conversation Rani asked, âWho used to consider all her heroes to be her lovers?â
âHe is talking about Meena Kumari.â Shanti replied.
âIt is quite possible that every hero would look at her as a loverâ¦â Rani said mischievously, looking at Sudhir.
âShall I tell you the truthâ Sudhir mischievously came close and said, âIn my youth, I would also kiss her photograph every nightâ¦â Shanti and Rani burst out laughing and walked ahead.
Shanti and Sudhir walked ahead on the forest road. Rani was walking alone. Swaroop came by her side and said, âIf I walk with you, you wonât be alone.â
âMe, alone?â Rani laughed, âMy dream world has never left me alone.â
âThen should I stop?â Swaroop stopped.
âArey, who stopped you from walking with me?â Rani caught him by his arm.
Walking besides her Swaroop said, âI donât know how you will feel but Iâm telling the truth that since I joined the group, I donât know what all I have thought you to be!â
âIs it!â Rani began laughing.
âWill you listen to one of my poems?â
âArey. Since when did you get stuck in the trap of becoming a poet?â
âI simply got trapped. One day I was thirsty; we were on a picnic even then. I said, âHow thirsty I amâ but only you heard my voiceâ¦You told your husband that Swaroop is thirsty.â
âIt is difficult to get water here.â
âThen buy him a Coca Colaâ
And that night after reaching home I thought so much about you.
âIs it?â
âI like the way you say âIs itââ¦It feels like a bell ringing in an isolated temple!â
âNot the Sea gulls, no?â A free laughter spread from Raniâs face.
âPlease donât laugh like this. I feel as if you are mocking at me.â
âNo dear. I am very happy to hear my praise that too from a young Gopal like you.â
âAll our friends talk about you thatâ¦â âWhat do they say? Why did you stop?â âThey say that you love them too muchâ¦And that perhaps it is the result of going through difficulties in life..!â âCrazyâ¦â
âWho?â
âEveryone who thinks like that.â
âYes, at least I feel like that. The fact that everyone loves you.â
âNo. The truth is that love is obvious. But it is not a result of me going through pain; it is a result of my upbringing in a religious atmosphere during childhood.â
âMeaning?â
âMeaning, I had learned during my childhood to contain beings of the earth in the form of Om, like Duru Bhagat. To get lost in devotion of
God like Meera, to consider myself as a devotee of every man in the form of eternal male, in whose presence there is no difference between the sexesâ¦â
âYes. Yes. This is the truthâ¦or the glow on your face would not be so bright...How misunderstood you are!â
Rani kept walking quietly. Her mind was continuously echoing the sentence, âHow misunderstood you are.â
The birds were returning home in the sky. Rani felt that the bird of her mind was lonely in this atmosphere. Her husband had gone to Missouri to attend a sudden meeting of doctors. Rani was feeling his absence at this moment.
âWhy arenât you laughing?â Swaroop asked suddenly.
âWithout any winding key?â
âA winding key is used for toys. But you. You areâ¦â
The manner in which Swaroop spoke made Rani burst out into a big laughter.
âYes, you just keep laughing like this.â
âFirst you tell me, what you get out of this?â
âI get something.â
âLet me hear it too.â
âWill you listen?â
Swaroop looks at Rani a little hesitantly, with a manly gaze and lowering his eyes he said, âWhen you laugh, I can feel white flowers blooming in this entire Mumbra forest.â
âI have heard such a nice thing after so many months!â saying this Raniâs mind-bird went into a far-off forest of thoughtsâ¦Though her husband may have freed her from the promise but the Moon felt that the moonlight had fadedâ¦Like a sapling which had turned pale in the absence of air and sunlight; this is how Rani felt about her mind⦠But this young Gopal! âWhen you laugh I can feel white flowers blooming in this entire Mumbra forestâ
Rani and Swaroop were walking quietly when suddenly looking at two people on either side, they stoppedâ¦
âWhat happened?â Raniâs eyes carried the question. Sudhir and Shanti spoke together but could not be understood. The issue was that they did not want to leave Rani alone and face complaints from her husbandâ¦
âBut I am not alone. Swaroop is with me.â Radha, Chatrabhuj and Vinod also came near Rani⦠It became all quiet.
Vinod asked, âMay I ask which halting station is this?â
âA train may be shuntingâ Ram said.
âYou have improved quite a lot staying abroad,â taunted Chatrabhuj and everybody started laughing.
Suddenly Rani and Chatrabhujâs eyes met and Rani smiled. Throwing away his cigarette Chatrabhuj said, âThat's it!!â
Vinod asked, âMeaning?â
âRani has understood.â Chatrabhujâs gaze was on Rani and his thoughts were somewhere far-off.
Rani felt as if she had taken a bath after a long illness and had come and stood in the sunshine.
- Translated by Arun Babani
